Grieving Moms Share What Helped After Stillbirth, Early Infant Death

The hours following a baby's death are profoundly traumatic. Through my work as a grief facilitator, mothers have shared the moments and gestures that provided them the most comfort while they were in the hospital. In an effort to support grieving mothers, I have compiled a free download with their suggestions, statements from mothers working with palliative care specialists, and medical webinar interviews with grieving mothers.

The QR code or this link takes you to my full presentation for the STAR LEGACY SUMMIT.

Moms to Mom handout.docx

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Moms to Mom TEXT:

Moms To Mom

No one is prepared when a baby dies.

Grieving Moms share what helped during their hospital stay:

1. "I was scared at first, but I held my baby and called him by name. It felt right to have him close to me." 

   
   

2. "I allowed the hospital to take pictures of my baby. I couldn't look at the pictures for two weeks. When I did, it validated her existence. She was real."

   
   

3. "I took the clothes my baby wore home with me. I placed them in a plastic bag. The smell brings him close and comforts me on the really sad days."

   
   

4. "I asked a lot of questions but couldn't always remember the answers. I wrote my questions and the answers from the doctor and nurses in a journal."

   
   

5. "I had an autopsy done. The information helped me understand what happened. If you don't want an autopsy, that's okay. There's no right or wrong."

   
   

6. "When my milk came in, I tried not to be angry with my body. It was grieving, too."

   
   

7. "I didn't feel normal and that scared me. I talked to the nurse about my scary feelings and she reminded me that it's not normal for a baby to die and that my feelings actually made sense. I'm glad I talked to her."

   
   

8. "Grief-bursts felt like my heart was splitting. I started to think of them as love connections with my baby and then they didn't hurt so much."

   
   

9. "I didn't know how to choose between a cremation or burial. The Funeral Director explained everything and was very kind. I chose cremation because I wanted to keep my baby close. Choose what is best for you. There is no wrong answer."

   
   

10. "Leaving the hospital without my baby was painful. I put mementos, pictures, clothes, fingerprints, and footprints in a beautiful box and held it in my arms. I asked the nurse for an escort and she helped us leave quietly, gently."